Redeemed from a path of destruction

I was on a path of destruction. During my childhood I had experienced a lot of abuse and rejection. It made me feel really angry. When I was 17, after a custody battle between my parents, the judge put me in a boarding school. I hated it, and ended up bullying people. I wanted to scare people off as I thought it would protect me from being emotionally or physically hurt. My bullying got out of hand; sadly, a girl took her own life because of it. After several violent incidents, I was expelled from school.

It was this kind of behaviour that caused my parents to send me to another country as a last resort. No one could handle me. I moved to the UK and settled in Portsmouth and immediately started drinking. Very quickly, I fell pregnant and got myself into an extremely abusive marriage. We had two children together who, unfortunately, witnessed this abuse. Social services told me to get out of the relationship; otherwise, I would lose the children. So I left him.

At 27, my marriage had failed, I had two children who desperately needed me, I was deeply unhappy at work and had no support network. My situation panicked me and through all the fear, I fell into a deep depression. So, I quit life. I went off sick long term. I stayed at home doing the bare minimum, where I put on a lot of weight – which made me feel even worse.

But through all the numbness, I could hear God. He was calling me. I had dreams of angels speaking to me. God convicted me to attend church. I finally attended Family Church one Sunday morning, and my whole life changed just from the simple gesture of putting up my hand as an indication that I had surrendered myself to God. It was at that moment that I realised that, while I thought I was waiting for God, He was in fact waiting for me. He has shown me so much mercy. He has opened doors that no man on earth can shut, and has thrust me years down the road by connecting me with the right people.

I am right where God intended me to be and I have thoroughly enjoyed the journey! My entire life has turned around. God has set me free from addictions, anger and violent behaviour. He has filled me with confidence and security and has restored my relationship with my children. Every decision I have made since redemption has been straight from God. And during the “storms” I choose to walk by faith, and not by sight.

God’s redemptive spirit has made me realise that the past does not necessarily dictate the outcome of my future, and by knowing this it has helped me forgive others and, most importantly, myself!