29 Jan Encountering God’s love
Last summer I was in a horrible place, I had had a tough time the year before. I had lost some friends at school who I thought genuinely liked me. It really knocked my confidence and one of them said stuff about me that made me feel rubbish, I was really upset. I started to feel really low about myself and tell myself it was all my fault that they didn’t like me anymore. The rest of that year was really difficult at school and I found most things really hard.
Things improved a bit, that summer I went to Rocknations and I had a really amazing time. I gained quite a bit of confidence and it really inspired me to be myself and let nothing hold me back when I went back to school.
However, I got really low again at the end of the year when both my Granddad and a friend passed away within the space of two weeks. I got really angry with God and in my heart I turned away from Him. I began to hate myself and blame myself for everything, and I didn’t know what to do.
It started to get better a few months after but my confidence and self-esteem were still really low. I never really felt happy or at peace with myself. The summer of 2013 was quite good, and I did lots of great things, but I still felt really horrible on the inside. I started to really resent God and church, and I shut down on everyone there who was trying to help me. I spent lots of my time alone and I never really wanted to go anywhere or do anything other than stay at home where I was in my comfort zone.
However, around the middle of the summer, I met up with my youth leaders at momentum and they challenged me to choose whether I was going to walk away from God or come back to Him. I knew I wanted to come back but I was scared of committing to it. I decided that I didn’t have any other option and only God could help me with the way I felt. I had a sudden revelation one night and I realised I wanted and needed to turn back to Him and ask Him to forgive me. I encountered His love for me and realised how strong it was.
From then I really tried to dedicate time to worshipping, praying and reading my bible. Ever since I turned back to God I’ve felt more at peace in my everyday life than I did before. I’ve been more positive and happy and I’ve felt so much better overall. My relationship with God has been much stronger and I know now that He will be with me through every situation, and that He will never abandon me. I know He has forgiven me for turning away from Him and for everything I’ve done.
I can’t describe how much I love Him now. Encountering His love for me definitely showed me how incredible He is.